A highly unreliable narrator

[Excerpt from the police interrogation of Dean-Paul Rutherford, August 15th 2007. Officer on duty: Sgt Robert Cooke]

"Before all yous start finkin' it was me what done it, I can tell you right now it ain't even close to the truth. It was Little Dan, I seen 'im with me own two eyes. I always knew he was a nutter. Big Dan and Chris ain't street smart like me, you see. I could tell from the day we met him he was gonna end up in the slammer eventually, and now look. Open and shut case if you're asking me. Didn't even take much to get 'im to do it. It was cause of his pa, I reckon. Back when we were skipping school at his 'ouse his pa would always get off on humiliating him, calling him gay, stuff like that. He'd always tell us about how one day he would be 'the big man' and that things would change. It's why we called him Little Dan even though he was way bigger than our Big Dan. For a joke, like. Anyways, me, him, Big Dan and Chris were on the way back from The Anchor after a night on the piss when these little gits who live up the road start having a go at us, pelting us with McDonalds and the like. Anyway, Little Dan starts muttering and cursing talking about how he's supposed to be 'top dog' now and all that bollocks. We've been hearing it for years, but we knew he didn't have the balls to ever do anything. This time though he was all twitching and spitting like a crackhead. That's when... (Dean-Paul sobs) that's when he pulled the knife, right in front of us. Chris tried to hold him back from them bloody nobhead kids but Little Dan wasn't 'aving any of it. Straight into our Chris's shoulder. It's a miracle 'is arm didn't fall off. Big Dan tried to take the knife away but he's never been any good in a scrap. Little Dan did him right in with that little kitchen knife, and started shouting and screaming like h was mental, all like 'That's what you tossers get when you try to tell me what to do, I'm not pathetic like yous!'. Obviously them stupid kids got on at the first sign o' trouble but not me. I was so surprised and threatened that me bottle of whiskey flew out me hands right across his head. Only managed to put him on his ass though so I legged it. When I turned back to check on Big Dan and Chris, he was going through their pockets and nickin' all their money. I shouted at him to get outta here and he musta been scared of me after I hit -  Err, after the bottle accidentally hit 'im. Barely escaped with me life you know. Anyway it was obviously him and I gotta appointment with the dentist so lemme outta here and stop treating me like some kinda filthy criminal, Mr Sergeant Sir Police Man Sir. Throwin' your weight around like you own the place just cause some toff gave you a badge.'

[Extract end]