Chief Interrogater of MiscellanEUs Monthly, freelancer for St Brendans AS English Lang
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Every month we let the MiscellanEUs Monthly readers choose any one business-minded fictional figure to be dissected in... 'The Interview Chamber'. Delving into the thoughts of these wealthy, wealthy gurus of green, we aim to uncover their most prized trade secrets, by any means necessary.
In The Chamber: Dr Graham Rudford
Best known for featuring in cult hit US Sitcom 'Greenest Grass',
Dr Graham Rudford captured the hearts and minds of many
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| Image: blogs.villagevoice.com. |
Dr Rudford will be able to offer valuable insights in areas concerning monetization of literature and... spirituality?
MM: Welcome to the interview chamber. How do you feel, Doctor?
GR: Great to be here! I feel serene, honestly. I've been experimenting with new ways to unite the chakras through careful dieting, right, and I think I'm getting close to final tranquility. You can read about it in my upcoming book.
MM: Doctor, not many of our readers will be familiar with what you do. Can you tell us a bit about your work?
GR: [he laughs] Of course I can! That's why I'm here, right! And please, call me Graham. I'm not really much of a doctor these days, I prefer 'shamanic scholar'. Anyway, I suppose I'm primarily an author now. I studied Holistic Practices at the Oklahoma University of Spiritual Studies and Active Resting. I graduated with honors, and began to work on my first book, 'Warrior of Aesthetics'. It took me almost three months continual meditation to write even one word, but once I had I knew that only doubt could stop me now. Ten books later, and I'm still going strong, I think now I'm even recognized in America as the best-known Shamanic Scholar to date, which is no mean feat, right?
MM: Graham, can you tell us what being a Shamanic Scholar means?
GR: It means being a strong leader, but at the same time being relatable. To be recognized as a shaman is to be recognized as a wizened one, transcendent of petty squabbles and desires. It is our burden to bear that we can only be looked on from below.
MM: And what kind of things does a shamanic scholar like you write about?
GR: First off, 'I' don't write anything. The child inside of me does. Children always know the truth of life, so I have to find that inner piece of myself before I am ready to author. As for what I write, it's holistic studies. My first book was about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and can be used as a tool for improving yourself and the reality around you. Recently I've written about tapping into the innate purity of music to heal physical and mental wounds, and the book I'm working on now is a secret.
MM: Interesting! We don't suppose you could give us any clues about your next book?
GR: I'll give you the title: 'Paradigms of Enlightenment'. That's all your getting. Trust me though, it's seriously heavy stuff. Not for the weak-spirited, right.
MM: Graham, as a business magazine one of the main reasons we bought you here was to discuss finance. Can you give us any insight into your past earnings?
GR: Well naturally after following my multiple step program to true success as a personality, I was in a place to be putting out some pretty beautiful literature. Last year, mostly off the back of my last two books, I earned about $700,000USD. As a man of conscience I have made many donations to worthy causes and funded many less important shamanic scholars in their efforts to emulate my success, naturally receiving a... reasonable percentage of royalties for having spent my hard earned cash to produce their stuff. It's only fair, after all. Actually, this is the first year I've broken $500,000USD in earnings, due to the strength of my last two books,'Learning How to Heal Through Music' and 'Thoughts for Food: A Beginners Almanac'. Before that I was sitting on about $250000USD, most of which came in from 'Warrior of Aesthetic'. I ain't got a single clue how much that is in 'Euros'. Hopefully a lot, am I right? [he laughs]
MM: You notably published and produced your first novel personally, what lead you to make that decision?
GR: Well 'The Man' who runs the publishing companies didn't want my message getting out. You see, he knows it too. That's why he runs a company, and he only fears one thing: That other people will discover the secret, right? I knew I had to wake the world up, to put an end to the conspiracy. With my methods in mind, anyone can become a someone. For me it took getting a loan with exorbitant interest rates, but that didn't matter! I was creating art, saving humans from themselves, how could I let something like that stay my hand? I followed my mantras, embraced myself and devoted my spiritual energies to getting this book out there. Finally, it dropped in bookstores where it got popular by word of mouth, and all of a sudden I'd earned thousands upon thousands of dollars. My business model was simple: I marketed it to housewives, old people and progressive types, my main demographics. The truth just resonated with them in the heartstrings, and they knew that here was a book that would change their lives. That's why I self-published, right. To keep my art free of taint by the greedy, money grabbing crooks that run the publishing companies, with their fascist editors and over-sized cut. Self-publishing is the way to go. I've almost single handedly flipped the status quo, but I need the little people to get behind me and push. Boycott the Bandits is what I say.
MM: As not only someone who is an author themselves, but also someone who invests in many newer authors, what tips would you give on identifying talent and other conventions of the business?
GR: Well essentially I look for the traits outlined in my book 'Dissecting the Essence of Potential', in which I talk about some of the key characteristics conducive to harmony in soul and mind in such a way that you truer potential can be excavated from behind the armored shell that confines your heart. Another tip is don't let them try to screw you. Authors are a funny bunch, and many of them just don't understand what signing a contract means. They throw around words like 'unfair' and 'starving' but it's mostly just waffle. They can't help it though. We can't fault them, the blame lies at the feet of the establishment, right? The politicians of the world just play games, right, rigging society to ensure our young can never understand the true meaning of strength of soul, turning our culture stagnant and vegetative. It's a sad, but inevitable truth. It's only people like me that can show our kindred siblings to final serenity.
MM: Finally, Graham, Some of our MiscellanEUs Monthly readers are a little skeptical about your faith. What do you have to say to them?
GR: The only thing I can say: Just look at me. I follow all my own life coaching, now I'm rich, healthy, happily married and most of all spiritually attuned. Some people just need to look at themselves with their hidden eye unclouded in order to witness the sad, sad truth about themselves so that they can face facts and finally begin to absorb my wisdom. That's all, right?
Isaac, this is really well written but it misses the point of the style model, I think, because it seems to be a 'real' person being interviewed rather than a clearly fake one like 'Barbie' in the style model. The parody sends up the target by having them say clearly fictitious but revealing and somehow true things rather than an expose interview like this, which makes the interviewee look bad while making them think they are going to look good - so your piece doesn't match your style model and isn't something that could realistically be written by one person, like the Forbes 'interview' can. Or have I read what you have done wrongly? Plus, you should really write for Forbes, although the new title is so clever, I would let that stand. What non-person could you 'interview' that would make sense for a Forbes-style magazine like MiscellanEUs?
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about submitting a new sample urgently, but have one by the end of the holiday, if you agree with my comments. Otherwise, the best way to communicate is to email me as I won't know if you reply here.
And by the way, I logged onto your blog for two reasons: 1) well done in the marathon and 2) have you come across Wait but Why?, because I think you'd like it:
http://www.waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/the-primate-awards.html?utm_source=List&utm_campaign=845b58dcd9-WBW+%28MailChimp%29&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_5b568bad0b-845b58dcd9-42133465